I used to think growth meant pushing harder and seeking perfection

but i was wrong; I realized it after watching multiple podcasts and devouring dozens of self-help books.

For years, I treated self-improvement like a second job: morning routines, seeking perfection, and always thinking success is innate. I had no idea that self-improvement is not about being perfect but about performing better than yesterday.

Freshly out of college, I discovered I was aiming too low. I spent majority of the day curled up in a duvet on the bed. I hardly locked in on any task for more than 15 days until an inferiority complex(about being skinny and underweight) hit me, and I started going to the gym

Before I had gym as an alter ego, I chugged beers regularly.

Until one day, when I woke up. I found the greeting card in my pocket﹘ assuming someone handed it to us at the party. I dug out my Levi’s jeans pocket further and pulled out sticky notes.

“Change your life with….” blah blah blah… written all over it. I almost threw it away. 

Later that day, my friends and I gatecrashed a Tony Robbins event alongside a yoga class up in the Himalayas to change our lives (we desperately want to get out of a lazy lifestyle)

Over the last 10 years ( 2016–2025), I’ve gatecrashed more events than Jackie Chan has thrown punches on screen.

Along this, a lot has occurred in that time period: betrayal, insults, complaints, overthinking. My life has been a rollercoaster.

Not only that, I binged a lot of  GYM BRO SCIENCE to get out of my year-long depression.

A fitness goal I was chasing back in 2017 made my life difficult. Body dysmorphia was at an all-time high. Confidence shattered. Nervousness and anxiety kicked in during every conversation; small talk was hard. There was a mountain of burdens, and comparison ripped out my joy and confidence.

I was carrying a sulky body and a weak torso. Underneath it was a broken soul with a stifled smile.

I made a decision to change myself.

I religiously followed every gym influencer guide to get rid of the skinny skeleton. Little did I know, the goal was nothing but chasing shadows.

Sometimes it seems two blocks away, and sometimes it seems too far.

6 months into my workout. I finally saw the change. But it was like putting your soul into it and getting pennies in return. No change.

6 months with a rigorous routine and seeing a tiny change compared to others, genetically gifted dudes in the gym who show up twice a week and look like they were training for the last 5 years. Every time I compare, I lose one happiness cell.

Dopamine dipped, and my motivation took a nosedive. Finally, I QUIT.

Little did I know my dysmorphia came from COMPARISON, which has ruined me.

I wished the comparison mindset would go away just by working on myself. But it didn't.

Then I tried to look for other solutions, and finally I stumbled upon neuroplasticity. Studied metacognition. I went to a psychoanalyst and finally caught on to the pattern, which slowly drifted my life into a hellhole. And the best thing is, it worked.

Now I am documenting everything, which got me out of rock bottom and on a mission to teach people how to bulldoze intrusive thoughts and leap forward with a growth mindset.

Finally, I found my newer version and stripped away all the quirks that were dragging me down.